Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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