My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
