i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
