WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
