shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
