I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
