oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
