it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
