Your dad touched me again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
