if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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