There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
