if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
