lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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