Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
