covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
