Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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