i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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