i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
