Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
