There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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