Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
