I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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