Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
