I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
