He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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