Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
