Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
