just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
