i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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