i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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