i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
