You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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