Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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