I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
