how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
