And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
