I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
