woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize