Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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