the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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