I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
