i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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