he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
