he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dicks are not precious.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
