ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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