Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
