can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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