I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
