I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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