im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
