big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
