So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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