just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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