in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
