I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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