i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
