I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
