If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
