apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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