Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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