Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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